Charlie Bear Lee

I lost my Charlie Bear due to genetic degenerative disc disease which crushed his spinal cord.

He was the best dog I have ever had.

I would never have guessed that we would both be going through the same loss on the exact same day. And how wierd that our vet appointments were for the exact same time. I am sorry for your loss of the beloved Mookie, he was truly a wonderful cat and for 18 years he loved and received love and affection, that is the loss that we all feel with his passing. My sweet little Cinnamon, sweet 16, how I wished I could have helped her, and though I feel bad now, I know her suffering is over and she is peacefully watching over us from her pillow above. I grieve with you my dear friend and I pray that the pain will soon fade and that all that will remain are the memories of happier, playful, loving times with our beloved pets. Cinnamon and Mookie, we'll see you again someday, God bless the little creatures who fill our hearts with love.

THE LIST

1. Design an art box to hold various sized paintings.
2. Build Art Box
3. Move to Arizona
4. Jack in the box for Ice Tea
5. Introduce our dogs to each other
6. Get the kids all together in one place for a visit
7. Learn how to play GO
8. Paint while you watch
9. Have every Sunday bbq days during football season
10. Get a QB Colts jersey to route for your team during their games
11. Paint a giraffe in acrylics for you
12. Eat sausage gravy and biscuits at Denny's together
13. Meet all your critters
14. Help you unpack
15. Go to the thrift store
16. Stop at some yard sales
17. Go to the art museum
18. Shop for wood for paintings
19. Cook fried potatos for you
20. Take a best friend portrait

THE LIST

1. Design an art box to hold various sized paintings.
2. Build Art Box
3. Move to Arizona
4. Jack in the box for Ice Tea
5. Introduce our dogs to each other
6. Get the kids all together in one place for a visit
7. Learn how to play GO

We spent many Holidays together...

And I wish you lived here and could spend the ones we're missing together, now.

I know it won't be forever before you are really only 18 miles away instead of 1800! But, it sure feels like it when I think of all of the celebrating we've done together.

I really miss you!

Still 1832 Miles Away

Only 1832 Miles away!

From your home to mine. I am very proud to display this in my house. It is the first thing I see when I come in the door. You are so talented, I do envy you for that. Thank you so much for this gift, I will treasure it always.

From the "Book"

Through different eyes... I see myself, past, present and future.
Only now I begin to envision the true picture.
What I once hoped to become one day,
Years later the dream simply drifted away.

Through different eyes... My direction is slowly becoming clear,
As the time for fulfillment draws near.
No longer shall I sit quietly and wait,
For someone else to determine my fate.

Through different eyes... I'm seeing you. More prominent each day.
In total disregard of what others might say.
Forming the bonds of friendship, one to one,
Just a preview of what we will become.

Through different eyes... A new window on the world appears,
Forming a change of misguided ideas.
My thanks to you for this wonderful surprise,
For now I see the world, through different eyes.

because i can NEVER wait for holidays

or keep a good secret when it comes to presents.

I custom ordered us brand new necklaces. She got as close as she could to maroon and of course the puzzle piece is the grey!!! Of course my puzzle piece fits into yours, but I have my favorite color, green, as my crystals.

I picked puzzle pieces.... well, you know why!! I haven't received them yet but they are close to on their way. by time christmas comes, i'll have run out of ideas of what to do for you! you already know all my so-called surprises.

Cameo Dancing

I used to love it when we'd go out dancing. I'll never forget when someone had the nerve to outright critize your dancing. It really bugged me because then you wouldn't dance anymore and that was a shame.

I love the way you dance. You really get into the song, esp. when its Cameo (and of course I think of you on the rare times I hear them anymore).

You dance like nobody's watching, and that is a difficult thing to do. I hope that things have changed and you dance now, despite the remark that made you want to stop dancing a long time ago.

I wish my legs weren't so bad now, because I can't even make it through an entire song anymore. I do try to dance in a modified way now..... and i'm a little self-consious about it when others happen to see it... so, I understand now, how that feels. But it doesn't stop me from getting my groove on in the house, at least.

Tell me you still dance for yourself, at least inside the house. If you don't, put on some Cameo and dance like nobody's watching and think of dancing with me and your mom. Because she really got her groove on, no matter who was looking.

There is only one way to hang toliet paper...

correctly, that is.

I learned that from you. 20 years ago, it never mattered to me which direction the paper came from, the front or the back was fine with me.

Until I was admonished for not knowing that I had it on backwards.

And now, for the past 10 years, every time I change the toliet paper roll... it always falls tissue sheets to the outsides.

Oddly enough, this makes me think of you every time I put a new roll on. Sorry to connect you to my toliet tissue but pulling and a sweet little hand chop motion has made my bathroom life smoother. ha ha ha ha

AND, in case you are wondering, YES my bathroom walls are really this color. I wanted more of a burnt terracotta look but it just didn't come out of the paint can that way and I had already painted over the bright sunny yellow and wasn't in the mood to do this again for a while. *Thanks for the memories every time I've been on the toliet for the past 10 years!* ha ha ha ha

I came across my own half of the coin pendant the other day, the one that has your initials on the back. I tried to take a picture of it, but it wasn't working out so well. We have been apart so long, but I know that the faith that has been our friendship has continued to watch over us all of these years. I think it is time to start wearing this again as a daily reminder that there is someone in my life that is looking out for me and wishing me well, when everything around me is causing me nothing but stress, confusion and questioning my own worth. How valued you are in my life, I thank you and the circumstances that brought us together all those years ago for always being such a good friend and confidant and for trusting me enough to share your thoughts, dreams and fears knowing that I would always be on your side. I am grateful to know that you are in my corner no matter what I do. It truly does mean a lot to me that you are my very best friend.

I really do like this picture of Cagney. I don't know that I have it in my collection. She was always one for pushing the passenger over to the door, I think that is because for her, the passenger seat was her place and whoever sat there was in her territory. But I know she loved you and really didn't mind sharing the truck with you. I will find the perfect picture and send it to you.

Cag the bag with a pretty bow

I need help. I need some picture you really, really have as a favorite of this precious girl.

She probably hated this picture day as much as you did! *grin* ( you noticed I spared you) But Cagney really is beautiful here, just not a full body shot. And I think a full body or very close up head shot would be best. YOU DECIDE!

But this is the only one I have scanned and I cannot for the life of me find the others at this time. My head is too full and I wouldn't know what to really choose anyway.

But, I want to get started with the sketch because the meds make me shaky and it will take a while to get a painting done. I'm still trying to finish up one of Sophie's little XiXi right now as it is. But it is my next oil painting priority... and I am SLOW! Please post a picture or email me one that you like and that you think she would approve of. Thanks. And thanks for leaning on me so hard I always thought I'd fall out of the truck door Cag! I knew she loved me and that was saying something.

I really BOMB when it comes to surprises!

I always like someone to KNOW something is coming in the mail. I don't have a lot of trust that things won't get bent up, because I get so many items just folded and shoved in my mailbox, that even have do not bend written on them.

I like my mailman, but he must be close to retirement because he isn't on the route much anymore. I'm gonna miss him because he was great with packages. Anyway... this is me letting you know a surprise is on the way. The suspense is just killing you, I know.

If we were rich

If only we were really rich, we could again see each other anytime. Hop on a plane, or a train, or a car that would run to get to where the other one was. I don't foresee a chance for us to be close in miles anytime soon, with your grands there and my niece and nephew nearer to here, but someday, perhaps we'll be as close in vicinity as we are in our hearts. Remember how we use to say if we hit the lottery we would buy houses next door to each other, matching vehicles, mine gray with maroon interior, yours maroon with gray interior? Yours would probably be pink now wouldn't it? Oh it is nice to imagine what it is like to have the money to do all that we would like to do for those we love, but always remember that even if I never get rich, you are always close in thought and prayer and ever on my mind. You are the best friend I have ever had and I do so appreciate the kindness you have shown through the years. The other day I heard Taylor Dayne's "Love will Lead you Back: song on the radio on the way to work and it made me think of you. For even when we were not in contact, I always had faith that our friendship would overcome any separation in time or distance, and it has. I never forgot about you and I realize that even unspoken, you never forgot about me. How awesome is that?

I was buying an Iced Tea

I remember the very morning we stopped at Jack-in-box, like we did every other morning, on the way to school.

You were the driver, so always had to ask for the 'AT LEAST 8', but more likely 10 packages of sugar I'd dump in my Iced Tea.

I remember that morning you shook your head at the wads of sugar packages in my hand and challenged me. You said, 'For just one day, just today, try drinking that without any sugar." I thought I'd choke. The thought of Iced Tea without sugar was... well... unthinkable. I did grow up on the Southern tradition of more sugar than tea in the glass, thank you very kindly.

But, I took your challenge. And those first few sips were mighty nasty. I thought, 'Ugh, this almost tastes like.... hmmm, DIRT!' But you changed my health for the positive that day because each day after that, I continued taking that challenge. And now, when I order Iced Tea... I couldn't put sugar in it if I tried. Thanks for that!

I would love to be able to show you how to do some woodworking, but it is difficult doing that long distance. I did enjoy learning all the new things though, never thought I would ever learn to sew, but we have the pictures to prove I did. I think some of the coolest things we made were the magnets. To this day I appreciate you showing me that, and it sure came in handy when money was tight and about all I could give was a card. Thanks to you I was able to make a little personal magnet to slip inside it. What fun, and a lot of those who received them over the years really appreciated it. Your gift for art and being able to create from scratch is one of the things I have admired most about you. I tell everyone, if you can draw it I can build it, but the designing a project from nothing is a little difficult for me still.

I realized how much you let me show you

from my world and interests. I remember teaching you to sew this Paisley shirt. I still have the photo of you wearing the finished shirt.

And I'm amazed but shouldn't be... that you also let me take photos of you learning to do things I liked to do.

It's probably about time I learned how to build something from wood, ey?!! I'm sort of dangerous around power tools with any more gusto than a dremel... be warned!

Smoking and Joking

Talking for hours on the phone, in person, about everything and nothing at all. I remember the thrift store trips, to me you are the queen of thrift store shopping, the way you could go through a rack of clothes so quickly and find just the perfect thing, it is truly a gift. I may try to keep up, but if there was an olypmic event for shopping, you'd win hands down. All those wonderful clothes we picked out together, a paupers wardrobe, didn't we feel rich? Where are they now? I guess it's time to hit the aisles again.
Yeah, " smoking and joking" 3 little words that put me in a different time and place, one of calm, comfort and a feeling of connection. I do miss that, and have reflected on it many times through the years, I don't remember the substance of the conversations much myself, but I will always remember feeling free to express myself and share my thoughts in a way that I had rarely found before and haven't felt since and I too am grateful for that.

looking at the phone~game~playing photo

I was hard pressed to remember if we actually ever played Trivial Pursuit in person, once you moved to town. Did we? I do remember I was always trying to come up with ways to make our long distance interaction seem more immediate.

It seems though, after you moved, we spent more time going to yard sales and Smokin' & Jokin' as my husband would call it. I remember when he came outside and took this photo of us doing just that.

Man, we never ran out of stuff to talk about, did we? Now, If I could only remember half of it. I'm so glad we are going down memory lane. This really helps put a lot of pieces back in place. Thank you!

I could never have imagined playing trivial pursuit over the phone long distance. Who did we think we were the Rockefellers? But it is a memory I will always cherish.

I think of this quote that circulates the net

I ran across this picture...

of the Bogart photo collage I bought for you while we were estranged and wished I hadn't given it to my parents.

It was enormously heavy and I didn't think I'd ever see you again to give it to you. It also hurt to see it around the house and think I'd likely not ever have the chance to make it yours.

as ever,

S.